It’s been a journey of 683 days. I knew this day was coming, but it still feels so bittersweet now that it is here. The first time that I nursed my son, it was just minutes after he was born. And now the last night that I nursed my son has come and gone.
Although he was born by a scheduled c-section and came into this world screaming, the nurse placed him on my chest for some skin-to-skin contact and our bond began. As soon as I was returned to my hospital room, I attempted nursing him and he latched just perfected. Even the nurses were impressed with how smoothly our breastfeeding journey began. "This must not be your first," they said, and I smiled and I nodded.
I nursed Maya until the night before she left for a trip to Guatemala with my husband, when she was 22-months-old. That was also a bittersweet night, but since I knew I wouldn't be nursing her when she got home two weeks later, it felt so finite and I was ready. However the second time around, there was no impending international travel to sever our breastfeeding relationship. They say one day you will carry your child on your hip them set them down and never pick them up that way again. (The Last Time) The thing is, you won't even know it's the last time until there are no more times.
From the first time that I nursed you just minutes after you were born, to the last night that I nursed you just a few days ago. Those moments snuggled with you in my dark room, Brahms' Lullaby medley on repeat in the background, were some of the sweetest memories I have of the past two years of our lives together.
And now, tonight is the first night that I hold you and rock you and sing you to sleep instead, because I offered to console your sleepy tears with “do do” and you said no. I had vowed to breastfeed you for as long as was good for both if us, and I’m proud to have made it this far. I love watching you grow and develop every day, but it’s still hard saying goodbye to my baby boy!